Road Trip to Kansas City

Just a little over a week ago, I went on a road trip to Kansas City. That’s 12 hours – just in case anybody was wondering. Jennifer, Alise and I worked our butts off raising funds to get us there. We had two yard sales and a bake sale, all thanks to the help of my church, Destiny Life Church in Springville. They were a huge support; letting us have our yard sales there on the main road and then being so involved in our bake sale. In all, we were able to raise about $700 for the trip. God provided immensely for us, especially at the very end when we were beginning to question if we were going to be able to go or not. I’ll never, as long as I live, forget how amazing the day of our bake sale was. People handed us hundred dollar bills – we just stood there with our boxes of cookies, our mouths fully gaped open and all. What a feeling, to know that God loves us enough to take such care of us. And that, is quite an understatement.

We didn’t even make it out of Alabama before my car started steaming from under the hood. Rather than panic, I first called my pastor for prayer. We were two hours from home, at 11:30 at night, in Athens, Alabama; which is just a few miles south of the Tennessee border. NOTHING was open. However, I have absolutely no doubt that God’s hand was upon us, because Athens is the only decent sized city for quite a few miles either way. It was the most perfect place for three girls to have a breakdown, as strange as that might sound. We checked into a hotel room and postponed everything until morning. Everybody back home was aware and praying for us – and we really needed it, too. Talk about stressful! In the morning, after talking to my family members in Kansas City, we discovered that they actually had friends in Athens, Alabama and were able to contact them to find the most honorable mechanic for us. Because the last thing I need is a dirty crook looking to make money off of our situation. I’m telling you, God is so good – even when things look like they’re at their worst.

Thankfully, nothing too major was wrong with the car, it just had been filled with too much transmission fluid, which bubbled over onto the hot engine, causing it to steam. This can also cause transmission failure, BUT like I said, God was in control. The mechanic who serviced us told us that we were really “lucky” ( I prefer to call it blessed) that the transmission did not burn out. I’m not prepared to pay yet another $2500 to rebuild a transmission in my car; especially five months into getting it “fixed.” Hint: DON’T take your car to Pro-Transmission in Argo. It’s a long, horrible story. I hate to relive it now.

We drove back home – relieved but still feeling the stress of all that was happening. We questioned if we should continue on or not, but after talking to several friends and family, we were quite literally urged to press on, everyone offered to do whatever they could to get us there. I’ve never felt such love and support from my friends and family as I did on this trip. Alise’s mom and dad actually paid for us to take a rental car, and the grace of God got us an upgrade and a 20% discount, so we proudly sported a Mazda 5, a cute, roomy hatchback for the rest of our trip. We set off that night, around 5 p.m. and morbidly stopped in Athens to eat dinner.

We traveled through the night through Nashville, and finally to Paducah, Kentucky where we stayed for the night – in a suite no less. Nice! We left early Thursday morning after enjoying the free hot breakfast. We noticed that it was becoming really cold outside by this time. We made it to St. Louis and stopped to visit the famous Gateway Arch, and upon standing at the top of this massive thing, I had a revelation from the Lord about how important it was that we had made it this far. Our perseverance had opened many, many doors for us, and I just had a strong feeling that we had made it through some type of gate in the spiritual realm. It was there in that moment that it occurred to me the significance of the fact that we were standing on the Gateway Arch, having just crossed into Missouri. I stood there looking out at the vast, busy and beautiful city with tears in my eyes. God is so good to us. I felt so strongly assured that He had so much planned for us to experience, and so many barriers set up by the enemy had been broken down as we continued to press forward. We snapped quite a few pictures, marveled at the giant steel rainbow and the beautiful park it stood on, and soon we were on our way again.

It wasn’t long after that (about two and a half more hours) and we finally reached Kansas City! I was overwhelmed as we drove through it. Everything I had been working towards for the past eight months was being realized right before my eyes… it was such a rewarding feeling! I instantly fell in love with the city. It was very clean and beautiful. It was as if the whole city were newly built. I never saw any old, old eyesore buildings that are so common in big cities. I’m not sure if it was just the part we were in or not, but it was certainly very clean-cut. We pulled up to my aunt’s house, which was absolutely beautiful. Stunning, as a matter of fact. We were treated like royalty, our room was ready for us, everyone was glad we had arrived safely.

We decided to freshen up and hit the Prayer Room at IHOP immediately, like, as soon as possible. When we got there, I noticed that it was a strip mall, sitting atop a little hill – complete with a coffee shop, offices, seminar rooms and of course, The Prayer Room! We walked right in and Audra Lynn Hartke was leading worship – singing prophetically about having faith and trusting the Lord. I also had the opportunity to meet and talk with Ariel Henley, a young lady from the same area I grew up in who is now an intercessory missionary at IHOP. We talked in the coffee shop for awhile, and she really encouraged me. She has been living there for about two years now, and it excites me to know that I won’t be entirely alone when I move there. She knows some people from my church (that’s how I found out about her) and that makes me happy. After talking with her, I went back to the Prayer Room and we spent about four hours in there, just enjoying the presence of the Lord, until we decided we needed to get back at my aunts at a decent hour and rest for an early morning tomorrow. So we did. And when we walked in our room that night, our bags had been placed neatly and strategically in the room so we could access them, and our beds had been turned down so we could get right in. My family certainly knows true southern hospitality!

The next day we spent at IHOP, from about 8:45 a.m. to 11 that night. We learned much of the vision of IHOP and got to spend some time with the Lord in the Prayer Room, too. At 6 p.m. that night, The Prayer Room moved down the street to another location that is part of IHOP for the Encounter God Service, and let me tell you, it was HUGE. It was mega-church sized. Mike Bickle taught about intimacy with the Lord, which we learned is the topic of every Friday night EGS lecture. Saturday night lectures are always about the end-times. After the lecture on Friday night, I stayed and worshiped the Lord in the front of this giant indoor semi-stadium-type building. It wasn’t long until I completely forgot where I was, just worshipping my true love; dancing before Him and praising. When I finally picked myself up off the floor, and looked up, I remembered where I was when I saw all the hundreds of faces that had been behind me the entire time. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what that felt like – it was like a dream. I have ALWAYS been the one who stays until the doors are locked, and everyone goes home. I don’t necessarily mean for it to be that way, I honestly don’t know if I can even help myself. You know what? I can’t. I have tried to leave worship early, and just can’t. LOL. So to see the hundreds of people who were planning on staying all through the night, just as they do EVERY night – was such an amazing feeling. Here were people who were just like me – they just wanted to sit in the presence of God – forever. Literally. Sleep did not call them away, neither did food. There was nowhere else they would rather be than in that room before the Lord. And I felt so vindicated in that moment. Those people understood me! They want the very same things I want! It was glorious.

We got back to my aunt’s house around 11:30, and get this: she fixed us bacon, eggs, grits, biscuits and sweet tea in the middle of the night. AND she stayed up with us while we ate and talked with us as if we were the most important people in the world. I love her.

The next morning, we showed up at IHOP and I went into the seminar room to listen to a lady involved in healing ministries. Her stories made me tear up, and loved hearing them. After she finished, we were served lunch with – surprise! Sweet tea! After we honestly didn’t think they knew what iced, sweet tea was there in the north. The flat, flat north. We spent more time in The Prayer Room, and went into the Prophecy rooms within the Prayer Room and got each prophesied over. We each received a cassette tape to take with us and listen to again at home. It was great, and right on with all of us. They read our mail, and they didn’t even know us!

One thing that I especially loved about The Prayer Room was the space they cleared for especially for dancers. When Matt Gilman got up there and started singing, “The Enemy’s Been Defeated,” I seized the opportunity to jump in the dance space and do my crazy jump thing I always love to do. LOL… after which a young lady came to me and very excitedly explained that she saw (spiritual) fire shoot all across the room as I danced, and then prayed with me. Sweet!

Later we rode the shuttle bus down the street to go to the Saturday night EGS service. Mike Bickle gave a lecture on Revelation 15 and 16, of which he said were the most intense chapters he would be teaching on. Boy, he was right. It was hard to wrap my mind around. It was very new to me, and WAY different than I had grown up learning in my Southern Baptist Church. I sure did love it, though. It really opened up my eyes in some ways. Afterwards, Ashley Prior led worship and something broke in the atmosphere, and hundreds of people ran to the front (including me! You bet!) and danced like CRAZY there before the Lord. I have watched The Prayer Room online several times, but have never seen this happen before. It was fun! It was perfect! It was absolutely crazy!

When she finished, Cory Asbury took the stage and started singing “Where I Belong.” And three beautiful little blonde haired girls came up to the space in the front and began dancing prophetically, like I only wish I could. The youngest girl looked about four, and the oldest about seven or eight. They were so innocent. I looked across the room and saw a young man weeping –UGLY weeping before the Lord. He stood with his hands stretched out, just balling. Suddenly, the little girls stopped, and stood still for a moment, as if listening to the Holy Spirit. Then they walked over to the young man and began praying for him. It didn’t take long at all before he fell onto the ground under the weighted Presence of Almighty God. I just laughed. It was literally my favorite part of the weekend. I LOVE the gentle, but AWESOME power of the Lord.

It was hard to leave that night because we knew it would be our last time in The Prayer Room during this trip. We went back to my aunt’s house and rested for the long trip home. And the next morning, we made an unanticipated trip back to the bookstore to get a couple of t-shirts! I can’t believe we almost forgot. We left about 9:30 that morning, and made it back safely home at around 9 p.m. in less than 12 hours. Mostly because Jennifer drove 80 mph the whole way… though thankfully we were able to get enough rest to go to work and school the next morning.

I’ve never had such an amazing encounter with the Lord as I have in preparation for, and on this trip. I knew He loved me, but I have fallen for Him even more. How, I don’t know. I didn’t know my heart would be able to expand with this much love, but somehow, it has. He has personally shown me how deep His love runs for me. It’s one thing to know “Jesus loves me,” but to encounter it is something completely different. I’ve also never felt as loved by people as I have on this trip. My church has been so supportive of us, it makes me all emotional thinking about it. God has TRULY blessed me with these people. I love them so much – I hope someday I can be for them what they see in me.

Obamanation. Change we can believe in? Really?

It’s Election Day night at about ten o’clock, and it has been a LONG night already, indeed. If I sound a bit bitter in this blog, it’s because I am. For the time that I have been following the election and campaining against Obama, I have seen countless articles, online comments, and news media by people who support this man – this man who stands against everything the Lord God has stated in His Holy Word. As I have watched these clueless people ramble on about things they really don’t know anything about, it makes me wonder – in what areas of my life have I been blind to? Holding my own preconcieved ideas above the Word of the Lord and the truth of the Holy Spirit?

Watching some of these idiots mouth off has really been an eye opener to me. God, please look at my heart and show me if there is any impure way in me – and change me and mold me to be more like you!

On a different note, I do firmly believe that this election is in the hands of the Lord. Whatever happens, I believe He deserves any and all glory for the purpose He has for it. The enemy has already been defeated, after all. haha

Nothing Compares to Loving You…

I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t just want to be known as a girl who loves the Lord. There are SO many girls who love the Lord… and I don’t mean that to sound like a bad thing, but the truth is, a lot of people live their lives loving the Lord, but few people REALLY REALLY love the Lord – I guess it would be a lot easier to explain if the English language had more words for the different types of love.

Like, I don’t want to “love” the Lord in the same way that I “love” blueberry muffins; or even the way I “love” a nice conversation with a good friend. I want to be the girl who’s heart has been RAPTURED with love for her Lord and Savior. A girl who can’t help but be completely obsessed – ENTHRALLED by the beauty, awesomeness, and glorious splendor of the man, Jesus Christ. THAT’S the kind of love I so strongly desire to have for my God. I want to be so captivated with love for Him, that I would be willing to do something CRAZY and foolish to prove it to the world – like swim across the entire ocean; TWICE. I want to be willing to die a thousand deaths to be with Him forever… even though through His beautiful grace and mercy, He has made it as simple as a prayer for me to come to Him; to be with Him; to gaze upon his wonderful, glorious, majestic form. I LOVE the Presence of the Lord. It truly is my life to seek it out… Thank God He has given me eternity to do so.

siiiiiigh…. ^_^

A Message to Someone with a Broken Heart

As I sit down to write this, my heart is aching. It’s hard to know how to begin. I want the effect of my words to show the heaviness of my heart.

A friend and neighbor, Brandon Koch, died in a terrible car accident yesterday morning. I didn’t know him beyond simple, polite conversation or the friendly waves we’d give as we passed one another on the street every once in awhile, but the realization that he’s gone is enough to break my heart. There are alot of people who are very broken right now – confused and feeling the excrutiating pain of losing a friend or son to a horrific tragedy. There are no words that will ever be able to express how gut-wrenching that kind of pain really is. I ache for the people that truly knew and loved him. I pray that they are able to find just a little bit of hope – because hope is what gives a person strength to draw another breath.

I don’t know where each one of you is tonight – I don’t know where you find your strength or where your hope comes from – but I do know that goodness still exists. You might not be able to see any from your perspective in the moment right now, but I can promise you, it’s there; I can see it from where I am – and it’s coming to you. It’s headed your way. You have so much life left to live, so many laughs to share, and so much more love to fill up every broken part of your heart. There IS so much more… please don’t ever let yourself believe we only live to eventually die. We live to love and to be loved… and only the ones who truly learn how to love with everything they have live life to the fullest. Every memorable event we have in our lives boils down to love. Love is what fills us up, empties us out, and even breaks us down. The presence of love brings us life; the absence of love drains the life out of us. That’s why it is so important to never, ever, EVER believe that you will never be able to love again. It’s very natural to feel that way for a long time afterwards – but you have to keep reminding yourself that you WILL find the strength to feel and show true love again. It just may be the very thing that saves your life.

It’s a rare thing to find the kind of love that really WILL last forever. The kind of love that never dies… it might even sound impossible, since we as humans don’t even last that long. How can someone still love beyond the grave? I found out the answer to that a while back – and no matter what may happen to me, I’ll still always have it. It’s not the love of my friends, or even my family; it’s the kind of love that comes from the Lord. The kind that never “needs some space” or even needs to be satisfied physically. It will always fight for you, it will NEVER fight against you – despite what you may have heard growing up. No matter how much you may abuse it, turn from it, speak against it or spit in it’s face, it’s still on your side of the battlelines. It will never condemn you or make you feel like you’ll never be good enough. That comes from something else – hate. And it’s all lies anyway, so no matter how many times you may have been told you’re not good enough or felt shamed and humiliated by what you thought was God, it’s never going to be true. He will ALWAYS love you. Notice how you’re not burning in Hell right now. What does that mean to you? It certainly means that you are NOT condemned. You’re still here, you still have a heart that can feel the all consumning love of our Father God. You still have a choice in the matter – to be eternally loved by the God who made you, or to reject His love and spend an eternity completely seperated from any kind of love – eternal lonliness. If you’re not sure what to believe, ask the Lord for a sign to see if this is real. If it’s just something man made up thousands of years ago, you’ll know. But if there really is a loving God, He’ll show you; just ask.

God is in the Midst of my Weird Days, too

What a day this has been… it sure started off on the wrong leg. I got in my car at 6:35 a.m., put the key in the ignition, turned it, and – it gave a pitiful little beep and then nothing. I tried a few more times; I dunno what I was expecting exactly, it still didn’t do anything. So inside the house I went – where I called work and told them what was up, causing a panic. “We NEED you here! We’ve already got two people out sick!” I calmly explained that there wasn’t much else I could do – I just had to wait to see if my mother could drop me off on her way to work. I then found out that my dear mother wasn’t going to work today and didn’t mind giving me a ride to work, and then picking me up, too. Thanks mom!

I’ll admit – I was out really late last night, so that is probably why I felt like lying down on the floor all day and taking a nap. My boss called me in her office to discuss why I seemed so stressed lately, and to be honest I really don’t know. There’s not a clear enough answer for that. I only seem to get stressed at work though; everywhere else is just dandy… I guess I can think of a few reasons, but it’s nothing big enough to sink a ship over. I suppose I’m just worn out. Whatever the case may be, I could use a couple of extra prayers of peace. My boss has been encouraging me to get back on my A.D.H.D. medicene, which I really don’t want to do, but what else CAN I do? It’s worth a try, I guess. I just HATE to be dependent on that stuff. I want to be free!!

My baby sister moved off to college today. I feel so old just letting that sink in. WHEN did all this time fly by? She loaded up her Jeep, got her puppy and drove off to Atlanta in pursuit of her dreams of becoming an artist. I miss her so much already… it is strange to realize that she won’t be home tonight.

It’s just been a very weird day. However, the Lord showed up tonight during Monday Night Prayer at church. He always does! He’s the reason I have hope for tomorrow. Whoa, I’m trying to imagine how AWFUL life would be without knowing He’s holding my world together… I don’t know how anybody could ever live – or WANT to live without Him! He’s the glue that holds me together; I want to be more like Him.

Eye Trouble?

The past couple of days have been really fun… well, for the most part anyway. Yesterday, my mom, stepdad, and I helped my little sister get settled into the room of the house she’s renting in Atlanta. She’s sharing the house with two other girls, and she’s so excited. I’m happy for her; I know she’s really going to enjoy this time she has while she’s in college there at the Art Institute of Atlanta. Her room looks really nice, too – other than the huge crack that goes from the floor all the way up the wall, across the ceiling, and down the other side of the wall… Yes, I believe it MIGHT have some foundational issues, but no one seems to be worried about it, so I guess it’s not that bad. Ha.

On the way to Atlanta, the contact in my right eye started bothering me, so I reached to take it out for awhile. As I did that, it moved up under my eyelid, and HURT like everything! I was squinting, kicking, and shouting as I tried to get it to move back down, but it wouldn’t budge. It felt like it was just sliding to the back of my eyeball, which, let me tell you – is really freaky. Eventually the pain subsided and I could open my eye again, but there was something not-so-comforting about knowing that my contact was stuck on the wrong side of my eyeball… naturally enough, I was a little bit worried about how this would end up. I started thinking about eye surgery and blindness and lots of other things you DON’T want to be thinking about when something like this happens. Nevertheless, I got through the rest of the day and called in at work to let them know that I wouldn’t be there the next day so that I could go see about it.

My mom was already off too, so we spent the first part of the morning attempting to get the thing out ourselves, by flooding my eye with 11 ounces of contact solution. She’s squirt it in my eye and I’d roll my eyeball around, hoping it would surface. It was so hard at first, I couldn’t make myself breathe while she poured it in there, so she thought it was hilarious that I looked and sounded like I was drowning (which I was!). Then we went to Kohl’s, and then to see my Uncle who had surgery from a life-threatening skin disease called MRSA. Google it, it’s pretty nasty stuff. Anyway, it was after that when we finally went to the eye doctor – who – after pulling, poking, and pressing on my eyelid – determined that there was nothing back there, and it must have fallen out without my realizing it. He said there is a lip-type thing up under our eyelids that prevents things from being able to slide back there. Which made me feel very relieved, but kinda stupid at the same time. All that fuss… ha. I guess you live and learn.

After that, we went to see FireProof with Kirk Cameron. It was such a great movie, it really was. I would recommend it to ALL of you. It left us feeling all nice and warm inside – but more importantly, it showed how awesome God is, and how wonderful the gift of Salvation really is. I would definitely see it again – and I’m sure I will before it’s out of theaters. Now as I sit here, there has been a delicious smelling scent coming from the crock pot all day… and it’s time to indulge.

It’s Fall!

I’m really enjoying the cooler temperatures this year. Normally, when summer comes to an end, I always get emotional. I’ll mourn for about a week – especially when time changes and it gets dark so early! I’ve always loved the summer months the best. But this year is different for some reason… I’m actually looking forward to the fall/winter season for once! I’m excited; there’s so much to look forward to this year. I’m moving to a whole new place! The rest of my life is starting. On that note, I figure I’m going to have to tell my dad and his side of the family sooner or later. I have to admit, I’m just a little concerned with what their reaction could end up being. Now, just to be clear, I’m not planning on changing my mind no matter what reaction I get; I just hate feeling like the object of someone’s disappointment – especially members of my own family. Whatever happens, I know it is in God’s hands. Please pray for my family to be accepting and supportive of me

Something else has been bothering me lately… I’m not really sure where I fit in around here. Oh, I KNOW who I am in the Lord, but with people, it’s kinda hard to tell. To be honest, I’ve never fit in with any group of people; I’ve just had lots of really good friends here and there. It was always extremely frustrating to deal with growing up. It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but sometimes it can still get me down and out if I think about it too much. And honestly, I’ve probably been thinking about it too much. I just can’t seem to connect with the people I want to connect with – I’ve been around them for six months now, and at first I thought it would all click in time, but now there’s newer faces showing up in the scene and they seem to be able mesh right in with everyone. Why can’t I? MeMe (Mrs. Carol) said it’s because the Lord has set me apart; that He’s protecting my heart. She says that I see things diferently than most people – and I admit, that’s true – and that He’s saving me for something extra special. I’d really like to believe that. It’s just hardest when you’re right there in the moment, and come to the cold realization that you’re truly out on the sidelines for now. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find a group of people who I can connect with the way others seem to, but that’s okay with me – I trust my Lord. I know He knows what He is doing!

This is Not for Quitters.

So I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young, and I just have to say that it really was the best book I’ve ever read in my life. Everyone needs to read it – it has completely changed my perception of the way God works in my life. I absolutely recommend it to all of you!

Even though the book was nothing short of amazing, this week has been the worst. I am a teacher to one of our two toddler classes at the daycare I work at. It just so happened that this week, several teachers were out all at once, making everything ten times more stressful than usual. So when they pulled my coworker away to help in another class, I was suddenly left caring for TEN one year old babies, for nine hours! I probably would have had more composure had my entire week not been just like this. I had definitely reached my limit. I seriously almost quit. I kept thinking, “This job doesn’t pay me enough to deal with this kind of stress! It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to the babies. I can’t WAIT to get out of here!!”

After bursting into tears a few times from sheer exhaustion and from being stretched WAY beyond my limit, I sought the Lord. Well, it’s more like I demanded to know why I was having to go through with this, and why shouldn’t I just forget about “working until January” like I promised my boss and just go ahead and move to Kansas City. And after He quieted me, I began to understand that this is what ministry can be like sometimes. Being stretched and stretched until you feel like you can’t possibly be stretched anymore, and suddenly finding strength and endurance in the Lord. I felt in my spirit, “if you can’t find peace in me now in this one bad week you’re having, what will you do when the winds rage and the storms threaten the emotional stability of not only you, but your family – your husband and your children too? Will you find endurance by my Spirit then?” And of course, being humbled by that thought, I didn’t have much of an answer other than, “Lord, I hope so.” And He gave me strength. So it was a huge learning experience for me, and much needed since I will be on my own, 12 hours from home. But, I think life itself is a huge learning experience; one that is preparing us for the One that is to come. =]

Today was nice. My family is gone for the weekend, so I have had some time to simply take a break. After curling up on the couch for awhile with Jon and Kate plus Eight (a television show I like), I was able to take some time to reflect on what the Lord is doing in my life. And I’ve realized there’s still so much that He wants to do with my life – things that I haven’t even thought of. I’m such a dreamer. I find myself wishing I could do more than I am, believing I could do more than I am already doing. And while that may be somewhat true, I am starting to understand that it doesn’t matter what I am currently doing for the Lord, I’m always going to feel that I’m not doing enough. It’s only human to feel that way; none of us could ever do more than He has equipped us to for, or given us time to do. He is worthy of so much more than any one could do, even in a million lifetimes. A friend of mine explained this to me about a month ago. That feeling is always going to be there – it is good motivation, even. But we should not let it get to a point where we feel condemned. That does not come from the Lord – Condemnation is bondage. The Lord has come to set us free from that!

The answer is to accept that we are only human, and it’s only by God’s grace that we are able to serve Him and have fellowship with Him at all. So if you start feeling condemned by the fact that you could have done something but didn’t, do yourself a favor and let that go. I’m not saying that it’s ok to be lazy and refuse to act on the Word of the Lord all the time, I’m saying that God has given you just the right amount of grace you need to do what He’s called you to do in the moment you are in right now. And He will continue to give you more and more grace to do what He’s calling you to do in the future; the past cannot be changed, so don’t let it hinder you. Accept the grace He offers you right now and press on. Be blessed and encouraged.

It’s All Yours, God

“It’s all Yours, God.”

It’s the phrase that has been running through my head and my heart all day today. It started when I got to work this morning and turned on the radio to hear the song “Yours” by Steven Curtis Chapman. And since then I have been singing “it’s all Yours, God.” Everything belongs to the Lord. I think most of us have been taught that at the youngest possible age. It’s the most basic thing we learn when we are learning about God; God created everything, and everything belongs to Him. The thing that really gets to me is how long it takes to really know that with our whole hearts, and not just with our heads. When someone you love gets taken from you unexpectedly – or even walks out on you, by their own choice – why is it so hard for us to know, with our whole hearts, that our brokeness belongs to the Lord? Whether we choose to know Him or not, we are His people; His creation. We belong to Him – at least until that final day when there is no turning back.

Even for the people that truly do know Him – why does it hurt so much to place our fragile, broken hearts into His loving hands? He is such a good Father; He has proven that to us time and time again. He will NEVER let us down. Yet, it takes alot of strength to turn our brokeness over to Him. Strength that HE provides, nonetheless. We just simply ask Him for it, and He freely gives it to us. I have been broken before, though probably not NEAR as badly as many others who may be reading this. Still, it was painful to trust Him initially. It’s unexplainable, I think – what happens between our hearts and our heads as we hold onto those freshly broken peices of our hearts. One thing I do know, is that the Lord is there through it all. This is where it gets hard know what to say next – because I don’t want to say something cheap. There is no amount of pain in this world that my Lord Jesus hasn’t dealt with by His death on the cross – and He did it all for us. He bought us back as a ransom. We are truly His. All our hurt, our pain – it belongs to Him. Every person in this world is a person He loves, and wants to share His splendor with. He is so astonishingly beautiful; especially when we’re in the midst of a broken heart. He wants to carry us through it all. He’s so strong! I can’t imagine breathing without Him. He truly has my heart, whether it’s full, glowing, shattered, or even ashamed. His amazing love never fails to lift me up.

And I love Him so much.